A night to think (introspective)
by Becca-chan
Summary: This is after the Time compression, during the next SEED ball.. uhh..yaoi -ish warining though not even citrus.. cursing, and so forth.. Seifer has a potty mouth. From the POV of Seifer,Squall and Rinoa. Hey folks, please read and review..SeiferxSquall
1. So here I am

Authors notes: Well this contains a bitter ((very bitter.. and potty mouthed)) Seifer Almasy.... It's Yaoi so if you don't like that well... LEAVE!.. go on! shoo! *hits you with her comically sized frozen codfish*  
  
Praise , Flames.. air born bricks... all welcome!!!! E-MAIL ME!! PLEASE! *sweat drops*.. too desperate?  
  
So, here I am.  
  
So here I am,..... I'm alone. Not that it's surprising or anything, it just kinda pisses me off.  
  
I blame her.  
  
Her? Why do I blame her? Because she's fucking perfect... she's everything I'm not. Pretty, popular, sweet, gentle..... a girl. yeah, yeah,... I know. I he's in love right? I should be happy... But y'know what?.. fuck 'em, I'm just pissed off.  
  
I hate her.  
  
Yeah I hate her... I hate everything about her... how the hell did she get him anyways?? FUCK! I can't stand seeing them together.. I don't want her to be near him.. I don't want her to touch him, I don't want he to because he should have been mine! When she kisses him it feel like my heart is being squeezed by some invisible hand... how?.. How can she make him smile when all I could ever do was make him frown?  
  
I hate myself.  
  
Uh huh, it's about fucking time. Sure, I've got an ego to stretch a mile wide but, I still can't look in the mirror without scowling.... I'm weak,.. I was controlled... How pathetic is that?.... still, I keep everything in and only let out the shity emotions.... no wonder they all hate me. Hyne, I'm a real prick.  
  
I lie to myself.  
  
There are two kinds of lies in the world,.. lies.. and damn lies. Heh.... I just tell myself I hate him... yep... I'm starting to believe it too. We've always had something there, between us.. driving us... but, .. I'm beginning to think it was always just plain old kick me in the fucking face... hate.  
  
So, here I am.  
  
Here I am, Seifer Almasy, In love..... or was that, in hate? Hell, both can go hand in hand, and if not.. well fuck it because I'm the exception. But it's all true, every word that turned out cold or mocking was only hiding the fact I wanted to hug the little bitch. Every time I made fun of him, just my form of congratulating him..... yep.... even scaring him. I was pretty surprised when he kept the scar..... I did too...  
  
I'm alone.  
  
I'm sitting here at this boring, god-be-damned ball watching those idiots have fun while I sulk. Yep, me Rajin and Fujin made SeeD,... whoopty-fucking-doo... They're over there with their friends.. former enemies... funny how it worked out. Fujin and Quistis .... I always thought her and Rajin.... ha,.. it serves me right to be alone!.. I don't even know my best friends sexual preferences!!! Guess I'm glad they don't know mine though.. if they did.... they'd know I love him.  
  
I'm Pissed off.  
  
The two fucking love birds are dancing. They don't even notice I'm watching from the balcony.... it's better this way. But I'm going to the training center, I really need to kill something and it just may be them if I don't leave..... Honestly?... Fuck honesty!.. He doesn't need to know. I'm just going to keep this rival thing going.. it seems to work for us... too bad I still love him...... fuck.... I'm in love with Leonheartless... now why the fuck doesn't Squall love me?!  
  
~OWARI~ 


	2. Funny

Authors notes: Second part of my little 'A night to think.' set.. I wrote this one after deciding the other part wasn't 'just right' on it's own.... I dunno... I don' think I worte squall all to well.. this  
  
is my first attempt on him. Tell me what you think ok? (*chibi eyes* please?) Anyhoo.. this is a YAOI involved fic.... it's safe though, no Lemony goodness here. *sigh* and not half as much cussing as the first fic. heh..... okies.. on with the fic! Move along! *prods you with the fish again*  
  
Funny.....  
  
I can't help but keep and eye on him while I dance. He's been so quiet these days... I'm beginning to worry....  
  
Alright so most people think I am incapable of such a thing. I know what they call me behind my back... even my friends... Leonheartless... Ice King... Emotional retard.. but that's what I am.. I can't really help it.  
  
I wonder sometimes if they really like me for me, or if they just like me for what they've made me out to be.... what they want me to be. The truth is, I don't want to be what they want me to be... Everyone is trying to change me.. my so-called friends... my idiot father, who isn't really such an idiot once you get passed his immaturity..... and of course.... there was her...  
  
Yes, she has always been trying to change me... trying to 'fix' me. Ever since we met she went right to it... but I don't need to be changed.. to be fixed.. hyne, I'm not broken....I sometimes can't remember whether I ever really loved her like 'that'.. or if I've just felt obligated to because that's what they expected of me..... Because it was my duty..  
  
Duty....  
  
Hmmm... one word, four letters.... One great big pain in the ass.... All this responsibility was thrusted into my face in such a short period of time and I've taken it all silently because it was my duty.... I became squad leader,... fought against..'him to save our freedom..... became her knight.... fought Matron... Became headmaster of Balamb garden.... son to the most powerful man in the world.... and of course,.. saved the world from time compression.....ugh.. GOD DAMMIT! I'm only 18!!!! I don't want any of this... why can' they just leave me alone? Why can't it be like before?.. when they were all to afraid or shy to even speak to me......  
  
Well not all of them... heh.. no... he was always there. Even when I was little, he'd always be there.. whether it as a friend or as an enemy.. He always accepted me for who I was.. never tried to change me... But... I think I ruined it.  
  
The way he looks at me now,.. his eyes are full of such hurt... he's never challenging me to duels or insulting my judgement anymore.... It's funny how you can grow to miss a bully... but it's true.. I miss him... as a rival and as a friend.... but he hates me now... too bad because I think I'm in love with him.... Seifer Almasy.... why'd it have to be him?  
  
Honestly? I think I've always loved him. Ever since we were little kids and He'd always try to play with me.... I wanted to play but... I felt if I got to close to him.. he leave..... everyone always leaves me... now I still don't know how to talk to him... he's so handsome and bold. It's kind of intimedating. Besides... if he knew I was gay, he'd probably beat the ever loving shit out of me.  
  
She's saying something.. laughing actaully. But I wasn't paying attention. I was too busy watching those expressive eyes following me from the balcony.... they're gone now.... funny how a simple song can make you think... even funnier since it's the one HER mother wrote for my moronic Father...  
  
I wonder whether Luguna ever really love Julia heartly.. he seems to.. but... of course He did marry my mother.... so..... Uh... actaully I have not a single god-damned clue... This ball is boring, my head's too god-damned confusing and Rinoa's annoying the hell out of me... whatever.....I think I'll go to the trainning center before I give myself a headache.....  
  
*sigh*  
  
~OWARI~ 


	3. I understand

Authors Notes: OH DEAR GOD! Not Rinoa! YES RINOA! *evil insane sephiroth-esque laughter* I had to! She made me do it!! Her and that blasted mutt of hers!.. well.. I tried my best to behave and it turned out pretty good... hell, this chichs easier to write than Squall (aka. Mr Emotional Retard) is.. *sigh* I got into her head on the situation.. there wasn't much there.. a few tumble weed and a door labled Super cute dream hunks... which I did *not* enter mind you... anyhoo.. here's the fic.. last part of the set.. So.. you wanna send me feed back? What?? Why not! C'mon!! If you don't... I'll.. I'll... I'LL NEVER WRITE ANOTHER YAOI FIC AGAIN!!! ((~ empty threat))  
  
I understand  
  
I think it's funny actually. The fact that I don't catch his interest in the least. Well, at least not when he's around... It's understandable really... I mean.... They're in love.  
  
What? Are you surprised I can tell? You should give me a little more credit than that. Hell, I think the first time I saw them fighting I knew it... Of course I didn't want to believe it at the time..... I wanted Him to love me... I was stupid...... But I think I get it now...  
  
In truth, I've loved them both. They both need to have a part of them set free and I did that for them.. Squall probably thinks I'm trying to change him.. he's cynical like that... no.. I'm only trying to free him, help him.... because I know he wants to be free.  
  
Most people think I'm trying to turn him into what I want.. no... that was never the case, not after I saw them fighting for the first time... not after I saw the look in both of their eyes while they fought. Nope, I only wanted to bring him out of his shell, help him to confront his emotions.... so that he'll be happy, because like I said... I love him.  
  
As a person, as a friend and as a brother. Squall needs him. They're ying and yang, each not complete without the other. I understand this, so I am setting my knight free.  
  
I laugh as Irvine and Selphie tape Poor Luguna as his shirt catches on fire/ He's such a sweet man... I can see why my mother loved him so.. the song she wrote for him plays around us... making me think.  
  
I understand.....  
  
I hope we remain friends, Squall and I. I really do enjoy his company... surprised? Don't be... I overpowering silence which follows him into the room... the way he speaks without actually speaking.. I realize now why I thought I was in 'love' with him... he's perfect...  
  
But not for me....  
  
Nope, not for me. He's Seifer's.. he will always be Seifer's.. Heck, Seifer practically wrote his name across Squall's face for Hyne's sake... "Seifer's Squall, Do not touch!" A scar can speak louder than their unspoken words... They marked each other.. It's really rather amusing....  
  
What about me? You may be wondering that, though I doubt it... well.. me? I think perhaps third time's a charm. My first two boyfriends are in love with each other, let's hope Zell doesn't decided to make it a threesome....  
  
I say goodbye to my knight and smile knowingly at him on the dance floor. My words with meaning. He knows I know...... He begins to speak but I silence him with a small laugh and a hug..  
  
"Don't Worry Squall... I understand.." He smiles at me and returns my sisterly embrace as any brother would. Quickly I pull back and give him a little shove. He needs to hurry or he may change his mind. I know Squall.. inside and out, and I know Seifer just as well....  
  
Giving him one final wink, I wal over to my new boyfriend Zell.... he knows by the smile I give hime....  
  
He understands too... 


End file.
